Whenever I've been on a more or less healthy diet for a longer period, I start to find myself extremely unlikeable. I'm getting afraid I might end up eating salad without dressing and regarding "How trans fats will certainly kill you some day" as a nice topic for casual small talk at parties. So I see it as my duty to eat the tenfold amount of Gwyneth Paltrow's daily calory intake every once in a while, so I don't run the risk of ending up as a GOOP-monster that seriously puts agave yrup into brownies (sorry, Gwyneth). Well, last monday I decided I was in a bad need for curly fries and delicious factory farming-beef, and I found myself at McDonald's together with my class mate Thomas. We sure had a great time, and as my finger tips became fattier and fattier and people started to move to different tables so they couldn't hear me talking about this weird dream I once had with Benedict Cumberbatch, I thought that it definitely was a nice feeling to meet with people on a voluntary basis (I normally avoid social contacts) and not just because I had to see them at university.But them something incredibly strange happened: We were talking about this and that when Thomas suddenly said "You know, the first time I saw you, I was a hundred per cent sure you were a Lesbian". "Eeeehm, cool" I said, feverishly thinking about what I was wearing at my first day at college. I realized I had been wearing Dr. Martens, a long coat made of red lace and a flower wreath. No t-shirt saying "Likes Girls" or "God bless Sasha Grey". Not even a tie. And I effing LOVE ties. What had happened?
"But...why?" I asked. "Dunno", he said, "you just looked like that". That was weird. I do like girls, but I like boys as well, so I didn't feel like there was something on my appearance that made people think like that. I leaned back to the table next to us and asked the young man there if he thought I looked like I was more into girls than into boys, and he immediately agreed with Thomas, not being able to say what exactly it was either. I somehow started to like the idea people would see me like that. I mean, I am white, catholic, and born in Austria - there is nothing truly interesting about me. Now I had the unique possibility of becoming one of these cool minorities you always see in American movies.
People still looked a bit confused when I crashed into the lecture hall screaming "Listen up, I'm a lesbian now! WOOOOHOOOOO!". When Astrid, a good friend of mine, sat down next to me and I told her about my great new life, she said "But...I don't think you can choose to be one". When Thomas pointed out that I LOOKED like I had done this, she replied "Well, you can't see wether a person is homosexual or not. That's just not possible". And when I pointed out that the people at McDonald's had probably thought Thomas was my ex-boyfriend who had made me a lesbian in some way, she said "Gosh, that's just so wrong...in so many ways...".
And that was the moment when I realized that she was right. That was just so wrong. I couldn't just choose what I loved. Being a lesbian is not a lifestyle, it's something you're born with. You can't say you want to be this to be cooler. It's just not possible. And it's incredibly dumb to think it is.
Thank you, Astrid and Thomas, for teaching me this important lesson about life.
It felt nice to be something special, though.
#nutrition
#Gwyneth Paltrow
#GOOP
#homosexuality
#political correctness
#tolerance
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